Activism - Nov 24 2006
Behold, the Princess Cinema Activist
Dear readers, the world is a horrible place. War, disease, slavery, famine, dinosaurs, American Idol; truly, we live amidst chaos.
It has been the traditional role of the educated elite to take a stand against the world’s evils, or at least to pretend as though we are well informed about them. Indeed, it was the intelligentsia that displaced the autocracy in Russia’s February Revolution, and a group of artists that spread populism through Latin America. To be a proper intellectual, it seems, one must be well versed in global issues and social injustice.
Unfortunately, my obligations to the study of Marcel Duchamp’s napkin doodles and the deciphering of Sanskrit tablets prevents me from being able to devote myself fully to the fight against evil; I have not the time to acquire the vast knowledge of those political science-types.
I’ve tried to compete, really, I have. I made Al-Jazeera.net my homepage. I took out a subscription to Foreign Affairs. I read Clash of Civilizations. I’ve tried to understand Amartya Sen. I attended one of those lectures at CIGI on Erb. It’s just not as easy as I expected it to be. Too much economics, perhaps.
Fortunately, there is an easy way to pretend you know your stuff without having to keep up with BBC World News or Amnesty International press releases. The documentary has always been a wonderful combination of art and knowledge, and it is through this form that we art snobs catch our break. All that is required is access to a little establishment behind the Huether Hotel.
The ‘Princess Cinema Activist’ is that cunning creature who acquires a diverse body of knowledge purely by watching documentaries at Waterloo’s pre-eminent independent theatre. Armed with nothing but a soda pop and a tub of popcorn, the Princess Cinema Activist is able to enter the realm of the educated elite, well versed on the poverty conditions in Calcutta thanks to Born into Brothels, able to participate in the energy debate because of Who Killed the Electric Car, and a veritable expert on the situation in Sudan due to God Grew Tired of Us.
It is the next step for all of those who believe that watching the Daily Show allows them an intimate view of American domestic politics. Through the documentary, a respectable amount of largely superficial knowledge is acquired, enough to allow you to sound smart in certain situations, which is the ultimate goal of the art snob.
The Princess Cinema Activist has a special opportunity this week to enrich his or her understanding of environmental devastation in China due to the November screening of Manufactured Landscapes, a documentary chronicling the work of artist Edward Burtynsky. In high-resolution, large-scale photographs, Burtynsky has been able to catalogue the massive destruction caused by the Asian power’s industrial expansion. Go forth, dear friends, and enlighten yourself on this trendy world issue!
The Princess Cinema activist, however, must be wary when conversing with true political science students. These noble souls are so wonderfully aware of their superior knowledge that they will mock you for referencing a film in a debate. How delightful that the people being nursed to assume positions of authority in the future are filled with such elitism! Lovely! For now, at least, documentaries will allow art snobs to sound smarter than those math kids, a respectable objective in any situation. Godspeed!
Ethics - Nov 17 2006
A Note on Elitist Ethics
Followed by an open letter to those traitors in Bloc Party
Within the realm of art snobbery, there exists a distinct code of ethics that works to attach a certain level of prestige to the profession. This set of ‘rules’, if you will, prevents the corruption of what we consider to be ‘real art’ by lower forms of commercial entertainment. Accordingly, the more experimental, the more overtly intellectual, and the less well known become adopted into an art snob canon that cannot be infiltrated by the products of popular consumption.
Indeed, certain exceptions are made for the purpose of irony and hipster kitsch, but even this is restricted to the extreme: for instance, wearing a 90210 shirt is a far more acceptable parody of mainstream culture than a Green Day belt. For the most part, art snobs must avoid anything that their peers in the unwashed masses may celebrate.
Ethics allow the arts snob to feel safe and secure inside a tight knit community of art galleries, crappy bars and record stores that actually sell records. It gives us a chance to thank god that our faux oriental carpets are not being sullied by Nike Shox and Lugz.
Ever so often, however, the lines become fuzzy due to an unfortunate disregard for the integrity of this artistic society. As such, I would like to direct the following open letter to a certain group of English lads who recently forgot about the special place they held in elitist society.
Dear Bloc Party: You are a London-based post-punk outfit, beloved for your art rock, your sharp beats, dissonant guitars and fantastic fashion sense. You have delighted our indie hearts with Silent Alarm, one of the best albums of the past few years, as well as through a history of collaborations with such magnificent creatures as M83, Ladytron and Pretty Girls Make Graves.
You’re previous Toronto appearances have seen sold out shows at the Docks as well as on Olympic Island, resulting in monumental arty-kid singalongs. As such, there is no apparent reason for you to be selling your soul to the devil.
However, in September you announced that you would be touring North America with the Kings of pop-punk MTV indulgence, Las Vegas pretty boys Panic! at the Disco. Why did you do this, Bloc Party? Why? Don’t say you like their music, because we know you don’t. There’s a reason you sound like Joy Division and not Fall Out Boy.
Listen. We held our breaths as the OC pillaged your catalogue to make Marissa seem deeper, as well as that time we heard “So Here We Are” on a Saturn commercial. But now you are forcing your fans to sacrifice their pride by going to Ticketmaster and having this conversation:
“Hi, I’d like Bloc Party tickets.”
“Oh, you mean Panic! At the Disco tickets?”
“uhhh…yeah. Could you not say that so loud please?”
Finally, as if this was not enough, you allow your drummer to collapse his lung just DAYS before the Toronto show, forcing you to withdraw from the tour on the shortest possible notice. Ticketmaster, assuming everyone loves Panic, does not send out notification of this cancellation. So, stripped of their pride and dignity, your fans find themselves standing at the back of the Ricoh Colliseum, crying quietly to themselves and wondering why an annoying little man in a circus costume is dancing around on stage instead of their beloved Bloc Party.
Well, at least now I don’t feel so bad downloading your new album, which leaked last week three months before its release date. That’s karma for you, boys. Perhaps next time you’ll understand the seriousness of elitist ethics.
Wilde - Nov 10 2006
UW Drama Resurrects Dead Irish Playwright!
I say, dear readers, it appears that there may be some hope in this world. Against all odds, I have discovered an example of excellent taste and refined intellect at the University of Waterloo in a place other than this column.
Walk with me, friends, past fair Porcellino and into the bowels of the Modern Languages building. In this neglected, cavernous wasteland beneath the Theatre of the Arts you will find a bright, bright light, and with it hope. Here, a group of students and faculty have been working tirelessly on the noblest of tasks; together they hope to bestow upon the University of Waterloo the gift of Victorian elegance, of biting satire and unrivalled wit. This week, the UW Drama department brings us Oscar Wilde’s The Importance of Being Earnest.
My heart was filled with joy when I stumbled upon these brave laborers attempting to bring my favourite Irish playwright back from the dead. Indeed, the world has been a hollow place since this decadent, scandalized genius traded his pen for a beautiful Jacob Epstein-designed tomb in Paris.
One of the great figures of the Victorian era, Wilde’s writing illuminates this miraculous time in history when opium dens littered London and real men wore hats. A noble figure of high social status, Wilde is able to provide an intimate account of the nineteenth-century art snob; consider, for instance, the virtuous art connoisseur Dorian Gray.
A student of Classics at Trinity College Dublin and then Oxford, it is no surprise that our boy Oscar emerged as one of the pre-eminent talents of his day. Besides being a playwright, poet and novelist, Wilde was very involved with the Aesthetic movement that took hold in England during the late nineteenth century.
A reaction to Victorian ideas about art serving a social purpose, Aestheticism celebrated beauty and the notion of ‘art for arts sake’. Accordingly, Wilde saw it fit to wear his hair long and parade around wearing peacock feathers and multi-coloured carnations; a noble endeavour.
Brilliant, flamboyant, and arrogant, Wilde acts as a role model for art snobs everywhere. Once, upon arriving in the United States for a lecture tour, the Irishman remarked to a customs officer that “I have nothing to declare but my genius.” Such admirable honesty!
In selecting The Importance of Being Earnest for its fall production, the UW Drama Department has exhibited fine form. Recognized as Wilde’s most important play, this comedy of manners stands out “in the whole of English drama as a piece of pure, delightful nonsense.”
The play follows a crowd of wealthy young Londoners as they attempt to cope with Victorian social codes, with Wilde cleverly constructing a series of hilarious misunderstandings, replete with mistaken identities, misled lovers and the respectable practice of “bunburying.”
The Importance of Being Earnest has long been a favourite of the cultured elite and is widely celebrated as a comedic masterpiece. Its arrival on the UW stage presents a great opportunity for all of you wannabe intellectuals; indeed, no arts snob is complete without an appreciation for Oscar Wilde’s wit. The play runs November 15th til the 18th at 8pm, and tickets are available at the Humanities Box Office for a mere $10 if you are a student! Take advantage of this chance, dear friends! Godspeed.
Kazakhstan - Nov 3 2006
Glorious Kazakhstan Finally Gets Its Due
Dear readers, there has been an extraordinary amount of publicity lately surrounding the release of a low-budget documentary on the Eurasian country of Kazakhstan. It seems strange that such an obscure production sponsored by the Kazakhstani Ministry of Information would gain any credence in the West, but somehow the film, entitled “Cultural Learnings of America,” is scheduled for nationwide release this Friday, an honour rarely awarded to foreign films in an age of Kevin Federlines and Laguna Beaches.
I am quite baffled by all of this, to say the least. To think that David Letterman would have as his lead guest the Kazakh journalist who spearheaded the project, a Mr. Borat Sagdiyev, is quite a fantastic event.
I suppose I owe all of you, the unwashed masses, an apology. With all the xenophobia and discrimination circulating in our society, I admit I never thought it quite possible that there could be such enthusiastic interest in a foreign culture that is so different from our own in the West. The fact that we can reach out past stereotypes and cultural bias and appreciate the work of the Kazakh people as equal to the new James Bond movie brings a tear to my eye. This is exactly the type of cosmopolitan attitude we arts snobs have always tried to promote! Bravo, friends!
Let it be said, though, that we art snobs have always been attracted to Kazakhstan, even before it was fashionable. We’ve always regarded this former Soviet state, this jewel of Central Asia, as a cultural hub akin to Paris and New York, with Kazakh cultural contributions stretching back as far as…well, a very long time.
Certainly, one cannot be considered a true intellectual unless he or she is familiar with the pan-Central Asian poetry of Olzhas Suleymenov, and anyone who does not recognize the importance of the surrealist Erbolat Toulepbai to the development of Kazakh modernism is, undoubtedly, a buffoon. We art snobs will also understand that Cultural Learnings is only part of a long tradition of Kazakh film that includes the work of celebrated director Said Atabekov.
It is very gratifying to see that, at last, some attention is being paid to this very special group of people.
Since the fall of the Soviet Union, Kazakhstan has been struggling to undo the “Russification” of its culture that occurred under Communist occupation, and no doubt Cultural Learnings will act as a testament to the national spirit and determination of the country’s people. The world will finally get to see how Kazakhstan has been able to escape the anti-Semitic and misogynistic attitudes entrenched under Soviet rule, emerging on the world stage as a modern, cultural entity of its own.
From what I have heard, Borat Sagdiyev seems like a wonderfully genial transmitter of the Kazakh national cause. He is friendly and polite, always smiling, and a talented disco dancer. Earlier this week, he accompanied Beck onstage during his performance on the David Letterman show, playing along with the berimbau, a traditional wooden instrument. His indie cred, thus, is quite high.
I have high hopes for Borat’s career and the success of Cultural Learnings of America. Hopefully it will promote a wider appreciation for the customs, habits, and heritage that makes Kazakhstan such a wonderful country. I encourage you all to go see it! Tell your friends! This is a wonderful step our society is taking! Come all together, towards a glorious future!
