The Art Snob Archive

Opium - Jan 26 2007

The twenty-first century has already seen many tragedies, dear readers, and one of its greatest is occurring right now in Afghanistan. Here exists a situation characterized by death, dislocation and destruction, with daily life trapped in a cycle of insurgency and retaliation.

What can we in the West do to help these poor people? Send in more troops? Perhaps. Build schools and hospitals? Maybe. Pursue chemical self-transcendence for artistic means? Most definitely.

With all this talk of suicide bombings and dead Canadian soldiers, it is easy to lose sight of the positive results of the Taliban’s removal from power. We are so quick to forget the dramatic reemergence of Afghanistan’s economy due to one invaluable commodity: Opium.

Indeed, poppy cultivation for the purpose of Opium production was greatly reduced during Taliban rule, banned by leader Mullah Omar on religious grounds. Following ‘liberation’ by the Western forces and due to a lack of any effective policing system, Afghan warlords (or “entrepreneurs”) were free to reclaim their stake in this profitable industry. Since 2001, production of opium has increased from 74 metric tonnes per year to an astounding 6,100 tonnes in 2006. This year the opium trade is expected to pump seven billion dollars into Afghanistan’s struggling economy. Bravo I say!

There is, however, a bit of a problem. Opium’s production in the Central Asian country is technically considered “illegal”. This is largely due to the fact that it isn’t regulated and usually ends up being converted into heroin for sale in Europe and the United States. Afghanistan, the source of a whopping 92% of the world’s opium supply, is thus not only a target of America’s War on Terror but also of its War on Drugs.

Recently, a European think tank suggested Afghan farmers be licensed to produce opium for the world pharmaceutical market, thus avoiding conversion to heroin and tapping into the considerable market for prescription opioid. A good idea, perhaps, but unlikely due to corruption issues in Afghanistan and strict UN requirements for medicinal exports.

Fear not, my friends; I have a much better idea. Sanction the export of pure opium but bypass the whole medicinal aspect. Legalize opium in the West and market it as a cure for modern artistic malaise.

Think, dear readers, what powered the Victorian era? Steam, yes, but what else? Opium. It was this magic ambrosia, this sacred manna that launched a golden age of British literature, inspiring such great minds as Oscar Wilde, Alfred Lord Tennyson, and Edgar Allen Poe. The great poet Samuel Taylor Coleridge described opium as “a means of escaping from pains that coiled around my mental powers, as a serpent around the body and wings of an eagle.” Thomas de Quincey called the drug “a panacea for all human woes; here was the secret of happiness, about which philosophers had disputed for so many ages, at once discovered.”

Opium was once considered a powerful tool which took its users into a dream state, increasing visionary awareness and allowing them to see with “an artist’s eye”. Disregarding the vomiting, frailty, profound depression, sense of utter darkness, horrifying ‘opium dreams’ and distorted conceptions of time and space that followed sustained use of the drug, opium was practically a gift from God, utilized by artists to achieve visions akin to those of William Blake and Thomas Aquinas. Truly magnificent stuff.

Now, I’ve been lobbying for the inclusion of Thomas de Quincey’s Confessions of an Opium Eater in High School English curriculums for a long time, but why not take the campaign a step further? The CIA estimates that one-third of Afghanistan’s Gross Domestic Product is generated by opium export, and so it can’t be easily ignored. Why not nurture this positive growth? Utilize the surplus! Perhaps opium will be able to stop this flow of uninteresting fiction about secret societies and “ancient secrets” and aid in the restoration of literature in the West. Think of the Afghan people, and for God’s sake think of the cultured elite. Do your part. Write to your Member of Parliament today.

posted by HLL @ Tuesday, January 30, 2007 0 comments

Streetsy - Jan 19 2007

Last week, an article in Imprint sought to expose “the consequences of senseless vandalism”, drawing attention to the V for Vendetta-inspired “crime” on the roof of the Central Services building. I will not lie, dear readers, I was deeply saddened by this searing exposé. Is $100,000 really too much to pay for a highly memorable piece of socially relevant art? Should we not be commending the young hero who had the courage to speak out against the totalitarian regime that has taken hold of our hallowed University? And anyways, if this is vandalism, what are we to make of those enormous sculptures polluting Hagey Hall?

Art Snobs are urban animals, and as such we are “totally down” with the street art movement. Naturally, we try to downplay our support for the unsanctioned beautification of city spaces so we don’t “catch heat” from “the po”, but it is getting increasingly difficult to deny the importance of this flourishing art form.

Street art, a broad discipline encouraging the use of everything from stickers to 3-D installations in an attempt to artistically engage the urban environment, has existed for decades as a subterranean outlet for creativity. Recently, appreciation for its social and cultural relevance has overshadowed condemnations of its illicit nature.

I came to truly appreciate this reality while viewing Alfonso Cuarón’s magnificent Children of Men this weekend. In a bleak future of nuclear terrorism, infertility and Kubrick-esque soundtracking, the protagonist visits “The Ark of Arts”, a safe depository protecting important works of art from destruction. Here, alongside Michelangelo’s David and Picasso’s legendary Guernica, is a wall fragment with a piece of stencil art by the UK’s most inflammatory genius, the graffiti artist Banksy.

Celebration of the piece, which portrays two male police officers kissing and fondling each other, can only mean one thing: street art is more important than anything Da Vinci ever did. “Property manipulation”, it seems, can no longer be dismissed as mere vandalism; in many cases it exists as a sophisticated form of expression.

Unfortunately for art snobs, the first rule of street art is to reject the fame and pretentiousness associated with “gallery art”. Because of this, it is characterized by anonymity and spontaneity. There are, of course, at least a few big names you can cite to sound knowledgeable: “Boy, Os Gemeos really did a number on that factory in Sao Paulo.” “Yeah, but you can’t compare it to Faile’s mural in L.A.”

Street art’s importance is linked to its accessibility. There’s no admission fee, and the art is visible to the millions who pass through urban thoroughfares daily. In Iran, stencils of Ahmadinejad with a question mark on his face are being recognized as evidence of the youth reform movement. Abstractor’s interventionist art on video billboards in Manhattan exists as an important commentary on commercial intrusiveness. Cum’s wheatpastes of topless women are no doubt scathing critiques of…uhhhh…US foreign policy? Anyways…

In December 2006, New York’s Wooster Collective turned a five storey building into a canvas by inviting street artists from around the world to decorate the exterior and interior in a hugely successful celebration of ephemeral art. I suggested a similar project regarding the bland walls of East Campus Hall in my list of New Year’s resolutions, but as of yet the administration has shown no interest in sanctioning my call to action.

In any case, I would never use this widely read, reputable student newspaper as a vehicle with which to encourage any sort of campus beautification, nor would I ever insult the University by suggesting that ‘blank walls equal blank minds.’ It would be terribly irresponsible for me to point out to my dear readers the fine selection of paints and poster materials available at ECH’s ArtWorx, and I couldn’t possibly admit that the ‘vandalism’ of General Services was in fact another way in which UW is breaking boundaries. I will, however, encourage you to appreciate the beauty and relevance of street art, and understand that, indeed, just as anyone can admire street art, so can anyone be a street artist. Good day to you.

posted by HLL @ Friday, January 19, 2007 0 comments

Gonorrhoea-ism - Jan 12 2007

My dear readers, it is not easy being in such high demand. Every morning I am rudely awakened by the postman, who scowls loudly as he lugs another bundle of fan mail to my door. Amongst all the love notes, invitations to speak at highly prestigious, super-important think tanks, and grateful letters from the Third World children I sponsor, there is undoubtedly a countless number of requests to attend various screenings, concerts, exhibits and plays. I am usually quite insistent on a monetary gift or at least some sort of material reward in return for my distinguished presence, but today I heard from an old friend and decided to “do him a solid” (although he is still welcome to send a monetary gift).

Kyle Lawler, local libertine, veteran provocateur, and sitar virtuoso, is a student at the University of Waterloo in the Independent Studies program (an interdisciplinary plan that encourages creative individuals to explore such fascinating topics as “the potential of community gardens to build neighbourhood solidarity.”). As one of the three minds behind the Waterloo-based “Apollo Ink” collective, Lawler has been working to forge a sense of community in a city with impressive but scattered talent.

Working from Apollo Ink HQ at 156 King St. (right beside UW’s own Artery Gallery), the boy-wonder is currently collaborating with local musician Brad Hartman (aka Milkbagbrother) to host “The Human Reproductive System”, an event bringing together art and music for the necessary public adoration and adulation.

Scheduled for Friday, January the 19^th, the exhibit/concert looks to combine the work of local artists and musicians (such as resurrected scene favourites Analog Wry, performing as “A Good Story”) in a celebration of the absurdity of everyday life. The show’s philosophy is reflected in the title, which, indeed, has no apparent significance. Hartman and Lawler (who will both be performing at the show) are respected local musicians renowned for their humorous and satiric lyrics, and this is no doubt a binding theme of the show. Apollo Ink co-founder Mike Neeb playfully describes the philosophy as “Andy Warhol after 9/11.”

The Art Snob sat down with Lawler to discuss what is shaping up to be an exciting evening of post-modernism, surrealism, and “gonorrhoea-ism”:

Art Snob: Tell me, dear friend, what has inspired you to throw this event?

Kyle Lawler: Do you think the mimes who roamed the streets of Paris got credibility through eating, let alone being able to afford food? I think not! In the art world, it's no pain, no gain. If you are having sex in a way which does not warrant some type of risk for gonorrhoea, you're clearly not in it for the art.

AS: Hmmm, indeed. Cryptic, perhaps, but certainly an interesting concept. How could we describe something like this to make us sound intellectual? Gonorrhoea-ism?

KL: The feeling could be described in one of many words ending in –ism, but they have all been previously used to describe failed political movements.

AS: Isn’t that always the unfortunate case, ah well.

Speaking to Mike Neeb, your inquisitive columnist asked how Apollo Ink felt about the city of Kitchener’s recent move to “de-artify” the space at 156 King by allowing commercial development. “By no means is this the last hurrah,” Neeb answered, “but it certainly is like dancing on thin ice and hoping for the best.”

How poetic! To be honest, these boys make me feel like Kerensky on the eve of the February Revolution! Please, my dear readers, go to 156 King on Friday the 19^th and dance on ice with these fine fellows. Doors are at 8, cost is $4 (with profits going to the Food Bank). Indulge in “The Human Reproductive System”, and come out with a better understanding of Lawler’s fantastic “Gonorrhoea-ism”. Godspeed to you!

posted by HLL @ Friday, January 12, 2007 0 comments

A New Year - Jan 5 2007

1. Reorganize your book collection into the periods specified by Harold Bloom in his ‘Western Canon’. Be sure to integrate the Mayakovsky, Neruda, and Rushdie you received for Christmas into the “Chaotic Age” (chronologically by geographic area, of course).
2. Preorder “Neon Bible”, the new Arcade Fire album. Wear a big wool scarf and a corduroy jacket while doing so.
3. Sponsor the construction of a statue in Uptown Waterloo to honour Ukranian artist Kasimir Malevich.
4. Make some snide comment about the new Harry Potter movie and the threat it poses to high culture.
5. Make sure no one finds your tickets to the opening night of the new Harry Potter movie. July 13 OMG!
6. Travel to New York and make a point of avoiding the Museum of Modern Art because it’s “lost its edge”.
7. Attempt to reinvigorate the fashion world’s appreciation of the stovepipe hat.
8. Finish writing “A Seminal History of Post-Modern Literature and Architecture in the Suburbs of Algiers during the War of Independence.”
9. Write a letter to Kele from London art rockers Bloc Party apologizing for being so angry with him last year. Tell him how excited you are about the new album “Weekend in the City”. Sleep in peace at night.
10. Appeal to have the restraining order Sofia Coppola placed on you lifted. Claim you were only in the tree outside her window because you wanted to talk about ideas for her next movie.
11. Learn to speak Spanish so you can finally watch “Y tu mamá también” without the subtitles.
12. Listen to more hip-hop to improve your hipster cred. Clipse are this year’s Sufjan, don’t you know.
13. Organize a street art exhibition at UW to fill the bleak, bland outer walls of East Campus Hall with graffiti and wheatpaste. Hope the University doesn’t mind
14. Quit smoking…unless its high quality tobacco in your fantastically fashionable wooden pipe.
15. Cancel your subscription to the Globe and Mail and start having The Times sent over daily from England.
16. Have Dan Brown assassinated.
17. Publicly scold Guns and Roses for not appreciating the unique nature and individual nuances of Sinic civilization by releasing an album called “Chinese Democracy” in March.
18. Make an effort to attend Fidel Castro’s funeral to show off your liberal, open mind.
19. Become the first undergraduate student at the University of Waterloo to be hired on as a tenured professor in Art History.
20. Avoid becoming too popular so you can still be respected by the indie kids.
    

posted by HLL @ Friday, January 05, 2007 0 comments